Dear Quilly Girls,

Self-care and I have always had a complicated relationship. I mean, everyone is always reminding me it’s important—that it’s good to take time for yourself—but sometimes it doesn’t feel that simple. Sometimes, I do the facemasks and the bath bombs like I’ve heard you're supposed to, and then… I’m still not relaxed? My skin is glowy, sure, but the problem doesn’t actually go away, you know? 

But I was watching To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before with my roommate the other night—if you haven’t seen it, totally recommend—and I had an epiphany. What is the one thing that every rom-com reliably delivers? The one non-negotiable, the one hallmark (pun-intended) of the genre? Say it with me: the happy ending. And before every happy ending comes the character arc, there’s always something those characters need to address or learn from before the romance really starts. So… where else to look for tips on how to become the best version of yourself, than towards people (albeit fictional ones, but work with me here) who’ve already done just that? 

So this is a list of ten self-care tips or ideas, based on ten of my personal favorite rom-coms. All of these tips are free or low-cost, because personally, spending a bunch of money is the last thing I need when trying to de-stress. Try them yourself, or grab a friend and make a girls night out of it—totally up to you. Obviously each of these tips comes with a bonus rom-com recommendation as well—a mix of classic rom-coms and hidden-gems I’ve discovered in all my years of rom-com consumption.

Tip # 1: To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before 

Tip number one is inspired by the very rom-com that inspired this whole list: Write yourself a love letter. Make it as long or short as you want, address it to your younger self or save it like a time capsule for when you need a confidence boost a month from now. In true Laura Jean fashion, pour your heart and soul into it—but address it to yourself. In a world of constant social-media fueled comparison, where we all have access to the most glamorous version of each other's lives, sometimes it can be hard to step back and see ourselves with all the love and compassion we deserve. So, next time you’re feeling down about something you saw on the internet, or just need a boost: write down all the things you like about yourself. Because, and I think Peter Kavinsky put it best, “There's no one like you, [Quilly girl].” 

Tip #2: 27 Dresses

Am I right to say this is a bit of a lesser known rom-com? If you haven’t seen it, it follows Katherine Heigl through an “always the bridesmaid, never the bride” type situation, where she eventually falls for the journalist covering her sister's wedding to her boss she had a crush on… in true rom-com fashion, the whole thing is a bit complicated. There’s one scene toward the beginning where she tries on every one of her twenty-seven bridesmaids dresses, and that’s the moment that inspired this tip. 

Got a section of your closet full of old prom dresses or formal clothes that you never wear but can’t bear to get rid of? Have a fashion show! Get dressed up with clothes you already own—make a girls night out of it, or just dress up for you and only you. The trick here is to be willing to embrace your inner-child and pull those old prom-dresses out, or just try an outfit you never would’ve put together. Sometimes self-care just means letting yourself be silly and fabulous—because you deserve to feel fabulous, for no other reason that you are fabulous, and it’s fun.

Tip #3: Happiness for Beginners

This one is simple: go touch grass. Just kidding! But only a little. Go for a hike, or a hot girl walk if you’re not a big hiker. No matter what kind of getting outside you choose, the idea is the same—fresh air is good for you. Studies show that spending time outside has a positive impact on overall health by lowering cortisol levels, reducing muscle tension, boosting vitamin D, and decreasing your risk of heart disease (UC Davis Health). What’s not to like? 
Also, necessary side-note: this tip is inspired by the book by Katherine Center, not the film adaptation. I definitely still recommend the movie (it’s cute!) but if y'all aren’t reading Katherine Center… what are you even doing? 

Tip #4: How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days

This tip might be my favorite on the list, and it has nothing (okay, very little) to do with the fact that this is one of my favorite movies. Inspired by Andie Anderson’s one-and-only love fern: Get a plant! Hear me out… get a self-love fern. (Or basil, or strawberry plant, or whatever your heart desires.) Go to the grocery store and pick out a cute herb or flower, and then let it live on your kitchen windowsill. It’ll brighten up your space, and if you find or bedazzle a cute pot for it, it’s the perfect little functional decoration. Plus, if you drink water every time you go to water it, you’ll be one step closer to actually being hydrated! Just a warning, this one does require a touch more commitment than some of the others on this list—which I say with absolutely no judgement, as a frequent plant-neglecter myself—but everyone always says getting a dog is good for you, so just think of this as a less committed version of that.

Tip #5: French Kiss

For those of you who have yet to be enlightened, this is the fourth movie in the Meg Ryan… quadfecta? Google doesn’t even know what word I’m supposed to use there. But the point is, it’s good. And in my personal opinion, this tip is good too: Go do something that scares you. 
This one is very open ended. If that means getting on an airplane and flying to France (which Meg Ryan does, by the way, in this aptly-named movie), then by all means. For anyone too busy to jetset, take a second to pick something else. Don’t make it too hard, but challenge yourself to something a little uncomfortable. Personally, I find that I learn the most about myself when I’m a little (comfortably) uncomfortable. You’ve got this. You can do hard things!

Tip #6: The Half of It 

This one isn’t going to sound easy at first, but bear with me: Make a new friend. And no, I don’t mean you have to make your next life-time friendship today (though if you want to do that, I know an app that can definitely help…) but do strike up a conversation with someone you wouldn’t normally talk to. Maybe a girl sits next to you on the bus wearing a super cute skirt—tell her you like it! This one might go hand-in-hand with “do something that scares you” (as an introvert, I totally get that), but it doesn’t have to be complicated. Sometimes simple moments of connection in the face of all of life’s daily stress is all you need to realize you aren’t in it alone. And, who knows, maybe you’ll make a real, lasting friend. But you’ll never know if you don’t put yourself out there. 

Tip #7: Ten Things I Hate About You

This is another really simple one: Put on some headphones and dance to your favorite music. I did a rewatch of this movie recently (it’s not everyday you get to call sitting on your couch and rewatching your favorite rom-coms “research"), and one thing I noticed—that I’ve never really paid attention to—is how on-point the soundtrack is. I guess it makes sense with Kat’s whole character, but still, the scene where she rolls up with “Bad Reputation” playing will never not be iconic. This tip is so easy, but sometimes taking that extra three minutes to block out the world can be a great way to reset after a long day. Also, listening to music is known to help lessen anxiety, boost mood, and even enhance emotional regulation (Music Institute Chicago). Enough said? 

Tip #8: When Harry Met Sally

Please forgive me for being just a touch Meg Ryan obsessed, but this movie… you guys. I’m literally obsessed. The outfits, the atmosphere, the cutaways to other couples—if this isn’t love, I don’t know what is. (I mean me and this movie, obviously. When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life watching the same movie over and over again, you want that movie to start as soon as possible…) Anyway, the self-care tip in all of this: Phone a friend! Yes, I know this is a list of self care tips. No, that does not mean you have to do everything on the list alone. Part of good self-care is self-assessment—taking a moment to ask yourself, what do I really need right now? And sometimes the answer can be as simple as calling up a friend you haven’t chatted with in a while. So call up your long-distance bestie and update them on everything you’re up to. And if you fall in-love along the way… I’m insanely jealous. That’s it. Just super jealous.

Tip# 9: Leap Year 

Tip number nine is to take a trip. And I know, I know—trips aren’t free. But it doesn’t have to be a big trip, I’m not saying you should fly to Ireland, just that you should take some time to get out of your usual routine. Maybe BART to San Francisco for a day, or a weekend if you’re willing to plan ahead a bit. If you’re feeling stuck in stress, sometimes a great way to address it is to just change your environment. I mean (after some initial turmoil) it worked out pretty well for Anna and Declan.

Tip# 10: The Princess Bride 

Can you guess what tip ten is going to be? I’ll give you a hint, I just gave you a whole list to choose from! That’s right… watch a rom-com. If taking a trip isn’t on the cards for you right now, think of this like a trip you can take from the comfort of your own home. Maybe rewatch one of your old favorites, or pick one from this list; make some tea and get cozy by yourself, or make a girl’s night out of it. Either way, isn’t there something so satisfying about watching someone go from rock bottom to happily ever after in the span of a couple hours? If Laura Jean can get over all of her crushes reading her private thoughts about them (I could never) then I can probably sit through one horrible final, you know? 

P.S. Yes, I know the Princess Bride isn’t strictly a rom-com. But it is romantic, a comedy, and a fantastic movie. So… no regrets. 

Any other movies you wish were on this list? Any tips you’re definitely going to try? Let us know at hannah@myquilly.com. Now go drink some water!

Love you,
Quilly xoxo