Dear Quilly Girls,

Going into college can be such a challenge and a really big growing moment where you can learn a lot about yourself. Let me tell you what it feels like to live in a dorm with so many people yet still fall asleep wondering if anyone would notice if you disappeared for a weekend. Let me tell you what it’s like to be surrounded by notifications but not real human connection when first assimilating into college life and being away from home. 

Not that this is necessarily bad, but it can cause a lot of loneliness being in a new place with so many new changes coming at you so fast.

We’re the generation that grew up getting social media at a younger age. Although it’s the norm now, going into a new place can lead us to start to rely on that in replacement for going out and making a social effort. 

Let's say this: You leave your dorm room, AirPods in before you even leave actually. You walk past people you know but don’t say hi because neither of you wants to break the unwritten rule of having those moments to yourself when you can just have a second to be busy on your phone. 

You pass the dining hall and check your phone to see who’s eating without you instead of going down there yourself and asking to join. (this can be hard, but worth it) 
You post a story so they know you’re “booked and busy,” even though you just ate a granola bar in your bed watching TikToks for two hours. In just simple ways, connection has become performance. 

The act of getting lost in college does not have to be lonely as well. It is in fact an important step in your growing process as I mentioned before. The ability to reach out in person, phones down, can boost your confidence to be even stronger when starting at a new school.

Loneliness doesn’t look like sitting alone in a cafeteria anymore. It looks like scrolling through things you wish you were a part of even though you know nothing about. It looks like being tagged but never texted. Pretending not to care is not the answer people! Let’s stand on business for what we want out of our educational experience. 

And then there’s dating. Or whatever this generation calls it (I sound like an old grandfather). Swiping through strangers like you’re window-shopping for someone who might accidentally love you. But essentially, we don’t date but ghost! Then do it again and again out of boredom. 

Our loneliness is relatable. Persistent. Covered in irony and self-awareness (sometimes.) Vulnerability is scary! College can be a place where you can get lost and find each other without even realizing it or expecting it to happen the way it does.

So here’s your challenge: next time you feel like nobody’s thinking about you, text someone like you’re the main character and they’re already on your side. Walk to class without headphones. (Level: Hard) Make eye contact. Ask someone if they want to do nothing with you on a Wednesday. Go on a clean digital detox for a day. 

Because the best thing you can do in college now?

Is actually be there. Present.

With love,
xoxo Quilly