Dear Quilly Girls,

When Quilly was started, it was with the hope that we could combat loneliness on college campuses by providing the chance for real connections and helping individuals learn how to maintain friendships in adulthood. The problem is not just maintaining friendships, but making them. Making a new friend can feel as intimidating as giving a speech, or walking into a party where you don’t know anyone. Making friends as an adult is especially hard, because of all of our preconceived notions that everyone already has all the BFFs they’ll ever need, and the simple fact that most people are closed off to new connections. Especially in this current age of scrolling, liking, scrolling, liking, following, and unfollowing, adult friendships seem impossible.

That’s why some outside perspective is good to have. Hearing from those who are devoted to helping us understand ourselves in order to make room for improvement, can shift how we think about connections. J’Leen Manning Saeger, Ph.D. is a teacher, speaker, and scholar dedicated to helping others cultivate self-love without conditions. With a doctorate in contemporary Spanish literature, her academic work explores themes of memory, identity, and resilience—concepts that also shaped her personal journey. During the stillness of the pandemic, J’Leen realized she had spent years treating others with more kindness than she gave herself. Determined to change that, she applied Shasta Nelson’s ‘Frientimacy Triangle’ to herself, recognizing that the same principles that build deep, meaningful friendships could also foster a loving, supportive relationship within. Step by step, she transformed the way she related to herself, embracing self-love as an ongoing practice rather than a distant goal.

Now, through storytelling and thoughtful conversation, she shares what she has learned, guiding others toward the radical act of loving themselves as they are. Whether in classrooms, roundtables, or behind a podcast microphone, J’Leen brings warmth, humor, and a touch of whimsy to deep, transformative discussions. Her work reminds us that when we embrace ourselves fully, we create a kinder, safer world—starting from within.

The truth is, college is a strange, in-between time. You’re not who you were, and not yet who you’re becoming. That can feel lonely—but it’s also full of possibility. Facing loneliness doesn’t mean making a hundred new friends overnight. It means gently, bravely, showing up with the hope that connection is still possible. Please know, it is.

Some reading to follow up this discussion, recommended by J’Leen:

Book recommendations on friendship include Shasta Nelson’s books including: Friendships Don’t Just Happen and Frientimacy: How To Deepen Friendships for Lifelong Happiness. 

Book recommendations on the path to self love include Kristen Neff’s Self Compassion, Martha Beck’s The Way of Integrity, Amy Cuddy’s Presence, and Tara Schuster’s two books Buy Yourself the F*cking Lilies and Glow in the F*cking Dark.



Love you,
xoxo Quilly