Dear Quilly Girl,

The song I’ve been playing on repeat this week has been "Everything is Embarrassing" by Sky Ferreira (if you don’t know this track, go listen right neow). The song is a 2012 indie-pop classic that reflects on insecurity, relationships, and the possibilities of what could’ve been. As cooler weather reaches my Northern Californian college town, Sky’s dreamy synth chords and 808s encapsulate all the emotions that this transitory period brings to the surface. Even though the lyrics clearly describe romantic relationships, the story she tells can just as easily describe the awkwardness of struggling to make friends and feeling lonely in college. 

Let me ask you something. When was the last time someone blew off plans you were looking forward to? Or the last time you ate alone at the dining hall? Maybe the last time someone didn’t remember your name after an introduction? 

These are the questions the track brings to mind as it plays through my headphones. I found myself saying to myself, “Damn, Sky is kind of right, everything at college is a little bit embarassing”. Until I decided it doesn’t have to be. It's funny; I can think of countless times fear of cringe or rejection have stopped me from trying things that could’ve squashed them. I’m glad that I’ve already lived through the most embarrassing things to happen while trying to make friends so that you don’t have to. This week, I want to talk about a real strategy I’ve used to work through fear and anxiety to build relationships that are both fulfilling and fun. 

The most common instance I run into while trying to make friends at school is the awkward re-introduction with someone you’ve already met. In these kinds of situations I have struggled with negative-self talk. I find myself taking their lapse in memory unnecessarily personally and asking questions like, do they actually not remember me or are they pretending to feign interest? Or, Am I getting big-timed because I’m not cool enough for them? Honestly, I’ll never know what was going on with them, but those thoughts don’t consume me anymore. 

I think it's very easy for our brains to take us to that dark place where everyone hates us and no one wants to be our friend, but it's just not true. Think about all the things you’re mentally keeping track of on a daily basis. I don’t know about you, but I can barely remember what I ate for breakfast, let alone the name of every person I meet. That’s why I think it's much healthier to assume best intentions when the re-introduction awkwardness hits; because it's much easier to begin a friendship projecting positivity and confidence as opposed to the overly-critical self-talk from our inner monologue. 

With that, Quilly Girl, I bid you adieu! And see you next time!