Dear Quilly Girl, 

So your friends are partying it up in a sunny, beautiful city full of delicious food, interesting architecture and every moment looks picture perfect. Did I mention it’s in another country while you’re at school braving another cold winter and new semester of classes? Maybe you couldn’t get into the program despite a fire application essay (I feel you here), maybe it was too expensive, maybe your field of study didn’t have classes abroad, maybe you weren’t ready to move out of the country for a whole semester. All of these reasons and any others are completely valid. 

Study abroad is a unique college experience that many students cite as foundational to their college years. Personally, my parents were encouraging me to look into it as early as high school since they hadn’t been able to. They were especially excited to tell me every time they met someone who had “LOVED studying abroad in college”. There can be a lot of pressure on college students to make that decision and we’re often bombarded with all the amazing things about study abroad. To be fair it sounds awesome, partying, learning, experiencing another country with your friends in your 20’s, what could be better?? Plus, how hard could school work REALLY be in Italy??? 

In my case, it took me years to gather the courage to apply to a summer program in Florence that would last only a month. I convinced all of my roommates to apply as well and we were already talking about our Euro summer. I am the type of person who loves having my safe space that I have carefully curated. Moving away from my safe people and environment was something that scared me but I was willing to take that jump, surrounded by my circle of close friends. I thought I was a shoe in, writing an essay about my Italian heritage and desire to feel closer to my relatives. That’s gotta make me stand out right?? 

Wrong. I didn’t get in. 

Of course, the rest of my friend group did. I can remember scrolling through pictures of my friend group meeting up and taking beautiful weekend trips together. I felt really left out, and that was only a month-long summer program, I can only imagine an entire semester. Even now my friends still reminisce about their sophomore year European adventures and I never know quite what to say in those situations. 

So if you have found yourself in any of these situations, you’re not alone. A lot of college students don’t study abroad for a lot of different reasons. I’ve even talked to friends who felt very homesick abroad and have helped shed light on what that transition is like. I’ve also had friends confide in me that they were getting FOMO about what was happening back at school. We often see the highlight reel of study abroad escapades and not the day to day activities of budgeting stress, the loneliness of transition, missed trains and nights of homesickness. I’m not trying to say that studying abroad is all bad but we often don’t get the full picture of the experience. 

In my experience, there’s no perfect fix for FOMO. But something that helps me is focusing on the things in front of me, even if that means taking some time offline. Just because you’re at home doesn’t mean you aren’t learning, growing and having experiences too. Talk to people who also stayed back at school about your feelings, maybe they’re feeling the same way too? Go do your favorite local things, there’s something nice about being at home and having your favorite coffee shops, restaurants, parks and comfort places close by. Don’t isolate yourself, engage with your people and places, it won’t hurt so much when you see that next Instagram photo if you do. 

Xoxo, 

A Quilly Wells Girl