Dear Quilly Girl, 

Almost everything I read about our generation these days describes us as depressed as fuck, sexually inexperienced as fuck, addicted to social media as fuck, and sober as fuck. I absolutely agree that Gen-Z is disproportionately affected by mental health disorders that come from the latter, but I don’t think these abysmal headlines capture the full picture of our social life. Like you, I’m a young, hot, interesting, and educated woman who loves to dress up, do well in school, and spend time with my friends. The challenge I run into is finding or even creating spaces where girls just like you and I can feel good about ourselves while partying it up.

If you’re an undergraduate like me, your party options are limited. On my college campus, we have an overabundance of frat parties and a generous helping of band nights, but these spaces aren’t meant for building connection or community—they’re for maintaining appearances. Frat basements and indie shows both come with their own kind of chaos. You either end up sweating through your outfit while dodging spilled drinks and unsolicited hands, or pretending you can shake ass to a Top 40 Pop song. And don’t get me wrong—there’s fun to be had in both, but they rarely feel safe. They’re not built for women to take up space, to dance without being watched, or to meet people without an agenda.

Somewhere along the way, we started to accept that a “night out” had to mean relinquishing control of our comfort. But what if it didn’t? What if we reimagined what a party could be. What if it was a place where women and friends of all genders could show up, feel protected, feel celebrated, and still have an amazing time?

Lately, I’ve been thinking about how to make the social scene ours. I’m talking about themed potlucks that turn into dance parties. Living-room raves with playlists made with your friends. Pre-games where you can make as many TikToks as you want. A “come-as-you-are” energy that doesn’t require you to perform confidence or flirtation, just presence, just fun.

Creating those spaces doesn’t have to be complicated, it just takes a bit of intention. It starts with small things like inviting people you can dance with, not just people who “know people”, setting a group chat tone that’s more “we’ve got each other,” not “what are we wearing?”, making sure everyone gets home safe without exceptions, and just celebrating each other, loudly, for no reason at all.

Because the truth is, Gen-Z women do know how to have fun. We’re just learning to do it on our own terms. We want joy that feels grounded, not performative. Nights that make us laugh until we cry, not cry until we’re texting apologies the next morning.

Maybe the future of partying looks less like a packed basement and more like a cozy college house glowing with string lights, bass bumping through a shared playlist, and a crowd full of people that make us feel good about ourselves. Maybe we don’t need to abandon the idea of a night out—we just need to reclaim it.